On Being a Social Worker – Updated

I originally wrote this piece back in April 2011. Much of my personal life has changed – I am now happily single, to note one significant change – yet most of my professional life has remained similar. Oh, well, except for the pesky little addition of living life in a global pandemic. No big deal. (My sarcastic humor remains strong and unwavering).

Living through this global pandemic has taught me that taking care of myself is much more vital to my own wellbeing and to the care of my clients/patients. I have learned to be more creative with self care. I have learned to focus more on what I am able to control – even if it is the smallest aspect of my life, like being able to take a deep, cleansing breath right now. I have also learned to hold onto hope with even stronger conviction than ever before.

Being a Social Worker remains a core aspect of my identity. I like to think I am authentically me in my personal and professional lives, vacillating seamlessly between the two. Of course, I am not disclosing personal aspects of myself to my clients/patients, however, who I am with them is who I am with most everyone.

I have not edited the original piece below from 2011. It does still resonate with me, even if some of the references are outdated and I no longer turn to my then husband for support. The themes remain consistent and highlight, for me, what it means to be a Social Worker.

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Being a Social Worker means so many different things to me. It means having the opportunity to connect with diverse, vibrant people. It means a strong level of professional integrity. It means having a deeper understanding of the human race (except for members of the GOP, that’s one mystery none of us will solve). It also means I understand myself and my family a bit more, which may or may not prove to be a positive attribute.

Being a Social Worker means that I have developed a more fine-tuned sense of humor. Chalk it up to survival. After over a decade of hearing gut-wrenching stories that often mirror Precious, if I can’t laugh at something, I would no doubt be crying at everything.

Being a Social Worker comes with the title of under-dog. I get it, we Social Workers are not always seen favorably. Many people just don’t get what we do. We’re seen as do-gooders, tree-huggers, or the annoying people that will take your kids away if you look at them wrong. (We do that, you know, but only on Tuesday mornings during a full moon). Some people have even said to my face: “Why are you a Social Worker?” with a look of disgust on their face. Those are my favorite. I can take it. Being a Social Worker means having a thick skin.

Being a Social Worker means being misunderstood. I kind of like this aspect of our profession. I am willing and able to help the people most others would never imagine working with. I am willing and able to inform others as to why the work of Social Workers is so important. Attempt to expand our collective world view.

Being a Social Worker means knowing how to work a soap box. Educate and advocate on behalf of those who do not always have the power or voice to advocate for themselves. Getting into a good debate with someone is part of the deal. These are the moments I feel most like a Social Worker. Advocating and attempting to raise awareness. Plus, I like to learn about people and see how their mind works. It’s a challenge and I kind of like that.

Call me crazy. Everyone else does. It’s okay. Being a Social Worker means embracing the crazy in all of us.

Being a Social Worker helps me navigate my daily life. I feel I’m a better wife, mother, friend and person because I’m a Social Worker. I can look at the world in a unique way. More fully enjoy the  journey of life. I am willing to accept both the good days and the bad days. There are moments where I am completely frazzled and burned out. Days where I cannot look at another piece of paper or hear another heart breaking story. Thankfully for me, being a Social Worker means constantly taking care of myself.

Being a Social Worker means I constantly analyze every behavior, every discussion, everything. This can be exhausting and there are moments where I analyze something to the point of utter distortion and insanity. That’s when my husband looks at me and says, “It’s not that deep.” Thankfully I also have the awareness to know when I’ve gone too far. Being a Social Worker is a constant education in limits and boundaries.

Being a Social Worker is a big part of who I am. Being a Social Worker means that I am part of a vibrant and wonderful profession. I could not imagine myself being anything other than a Social Worker.

The Power of the Mask – Again

Two years ago, I wrote a few pieces about my thoughts on Dylan Farrow and Woody Allen. Here are some excerpts from The Power of the Mask:

Often times in situations like this, when the details are vague and the “facts” are not in abundance, popular opinion tends to side with the more dominant person. Often this is a man. Or a celebrity. Woody Allen is both. Many members of our culture, short of definitive proof (what exactly that “proof” could be is a mystery), has sided with him. He’s a decorated celebrity. He’s humorous and self-deprecating. He’s worked with many Hollywood icons who admire and respect him.

There’s just no way he could do something so horrific.

Our culture tends to have difficulty looking past a person’s public facade to even imagine that there could be more going on. Is everyone that naive to think even public figures potentially don’t have some scary skeletons lurking in the shadows? Could it be possible that Woody displays to the public only what he wants us to see? That he may be wearing a mask?

Woody is an expert in deflecting any blame or ownership in any aspect of his daughter’s life. He works very hard at playing the victim. He is clearly manipulating his readers and supporters to feel pity for him. Playing on the emotions he knows his supporters feel about him.

My hope is that one day soon, Woody’s supporters would be able to look past his directorial accolades and see the mask he has been wearing his entire life.

What is scary is that the masks of many more prominent people are being revealed. Change the name from Woody Allen to Bill Cosby, David Bowie, R. Kelly, among countless others, and my thoughts remain the same. The mask is powerful and present with these individuals, in varying degrees of incidents and severity.

There are differences within the details of each of these stories, however, a few themes remain constant. The prominent themes of power, opportunity, and secrecy. These themes go beyond an individual mask. These are themes that derive from an environment that encourages and enables these themes.

Rape Culture.

There is an undercurrent of Rape Culture among our overall society. It has been formed over centuries of hetero-normative and misogynistic values dictating beliefs and behaviors. I’m working on a more detailed piece on my thoughts on Rape Culture. It’s a tough piece to write and it’s ever evolving as (sadly) more scenarios are exposed.

It is vital to point out that any of these individuals would not have the power of their mask if it were not for the overall Rape Culture that allows these masks to be formed and normalized. Rape Culture supports the individuals committing the abusive acts. Moreover, Rape Culture also silences the victims.

The more (mostly) women who come forward with their stories, the more they are doubted and questioned. The situation with Bill Cosby is a perfectly awful example of this. More and more women continue to come forward with their stories. However, each woman is quickly dismissed as being “money-hungry.” Each woman is criticized, questioned for “her role” in the situation, picked apart, and ostracized for “attacking a beloved entertainer.”

Nevermind that when one woman has the courage to tell her story, it often inspires others to come forward with their own story. No, these woman are not viewed as couragous, they are viewed as wanting nothing more than money. Rape Culture is quick to blame the victim, even if there are potentially dozens of victims who share very similar circumstances.

Thankfully more and more people are coming forward and sharing their stories. It’s heartbreaking and powerful all at the same time. We are expriencing a paradigm shift with how our culture views rape, power, and secrecy. With any major shift in our collective thinking, it will not be easy. But it is necessary. We are exposing individual masks one at a time in hopes that one day (soon), our culture will no longer encourage new masks to develop.

The Crisis of Addiction

Stone Temple Pilots’ frontman, Scott Weiland, died on December 3, 2015, from cardiac arrest. Years (decades) of addiction to various substances no doubt wore down his body. Addiction is a debilitating disease that, without treatment, will absolutely result in death.

Scott Weiland also struggled with mental illness. Together, his addiction and mental illness (known in treatment circles as Co-Occurring Disorders), severely impacted his functioning and his relationships. In some instances, his diseases helped fuel his creativity. His ex-wife, along with their two children, poignantly articulates these experiences in a letter published in Rolling Stone. Co-Occurring disorders, when not adequately treated, can incite intense creative bursts in the short term, yet often at the long term cost of destroying valuable relationships and, eventually, ones own life. Scott Weiland’s struggle, and its impact on his family is not unique. Countless families are currently in a state of ongoing crisis due to the effects of the disease of addiction. Unfortunately, they most often struggle in silence, as Scott’s family did.

Stigma and misinformation continue to perpetuate the myth that addiction is an untreatable and morally wrong, character flaw. Addiction, whether isolated or co-occurring with mental illness, is not any of these things. Many people try alcohol, marijuana, or are prescribed pain medications on a daily basis, however, only a fragment of these individuals develop a dependence on these substances. To be clear, prescription pain medications are DEA controlled, highly addictive substances. As a class, they are known as opioids. There are prescription opioids, such as Percocet or Oxycodone, and there are synthetic opioids, such as Heroin. They are all opioids and regardless of the form they come in, or if you are given a prescription by a medical professional or purchase them on the street, the potential euphoric effects and addictive dangers are the same. Yet, we all know which one also has a pervasive stigma attached to it. Anyone can be susceptible to addiction to any of these substances. It is not because of a person’s lack of willpower, or their defect of character, or their questionable morals. No, it is because their brain is wired differently.

A few years ago, I wrote some observations I had while at an addictions conference in Las Vegas. Many of my thoughts and visions for addictions treatment have not changed since I wrote that piece three years ago. I share them again, below.

… [An addictions conference hosted in Las Vegas may seem like a glaring oxymoron, however, it really isn’t.] Vegas is a vast land of extremes. Everything is exaggerated beyond all realistic representation. Gluttony and capitalism to the tenth power. Vegas represents (with casino credit, show girls, and glitter) what most people think and feel about addiction. Anyone is allowed to have a few wild nights, along with endless alcohol, drugs, and sexual exploits, so long as “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”. Vegas is where denial was born and now thrives. Leave your secrets in the desert. No one will know.

Our culture views addiction in this exact way. Those who have the money and ability to live it up in Vegas and then immediately return to the status quo are the only ones we find acceptable to use drugs and alcohol. Those who can’t handle the sweet seduction of all things Vegas are “bad, sick, damaged, wrong, and sinful.” It is their problem and they deserve all the consequences that go along with using drugs. They certainly do not deserve our help in any way. They brought this on themselves.

Being at the AATOD conference within the Sin City demonstrated the clear divide between drug use and drug treatment in our culture. We welcome the use of substances, so long as a person can keep it to themselves and not bother anyone (or, even better, can be the life of the party). The moment addiction becomes a problem and a person seeks treatment, now this same person is morally corrupt and undeserving of our help. It is a sad reality since drug and alcohol addiction is a disease. If our society viewed it more as the true disease that it is, and embraced the true care and treatment needed to manage this disease, and even prevent it, there would be far less negative consequences of prolonged use.

Keynote speaker William White articulated this phenomenon powerfully. He stated, “We know addiction is a chronic disease, yet we continue to treat it like a broken arm.” Addiction is not about forcing a person stop using and never look back. Quitting “cold turkey” does not work. Rather, addiction is a debilitating disease that needs to be managed with a variety of therapies and services. There needs to be a comprehensive approach to treatment that includes family involvement, addressing mental health issues, past history of trauma, HIV risk and treatment, intimate partner violence, housing, employment, finances, and many others. In many instances, a person may turn to drugs and alcohol as a reaction to a past (and/or current) traumatic situation. Substances can be very powerful coping mechanisms – just ask anyone walking on the Vegas Strip after a night of partying! When a person takes steps to reduce or eliminate the use of substances, the memories of abuse may come flooding back. These nightmares and real memories can be debilitating and terrorizing. The fear of the memories could be a reason why people do not “get clean” or why they tend to relapse. In instances like this, we cannot blame the person for being “weak” or “immoral” or “criminal”. This person needs further care and treatment to develop healthier coping skills to deal with the fear and pain. Yet, since our culture does not view substance use in this way, this person only gets a band-aid, not the full surgery he may need.

We have a lot of work to do. Our culture devalues those with an addiction of any sort. We frown upon anyone doing anything in excess … even in Vegas.

Yes, there is hope. This conference exemplified the hope and inspiration we all have and all need to improve how our society treats those with addictions. More awareness is being raised about this disease, especially with more and more people coming out with their struggles. People are beginning to realize that denial is not enough. Denial is not working, even in Vegas. It’s not so easy to just leave our worries on The Strip and pretend they don’t exist. Or to dismiss those struggling as undeserving of assistance. We all need to face this disease, show compassion to those who are living with it, and treat it comprehensively. …

Unfortunately, one major change has occurred in the past several years. The number of fatal overdoses from opioid use has continued to increase at alarming rates. In 2013, overdose became the leading cause of injury death, surpassing both car accidents and homicide. Addiction is not just a disease; it is a public health crisis. We need to face this crisis and work toward reducing stigma and increasing access to treatment. If we don’t make drastic improvements now, thousands more will continue to share the devastating experiences of Scott Weiland and his family.

 

Balance – A Poem

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Balance
Equilibrium
Homeostasis
Nature is the expert of such things
Watching her masterful flow among energy
Seemingly simple, attainable

A massive, consuming thunderstorm rolls in
Blinding lightning, deafening thunder
The sky is electric with extreme energy
Everything in its path impacted

Or the ocean’s calm rhythm
Waves following an expected pattern
Then the eruption of large, engulfing waves
Violently crashing upon the shore
Racing beyond the limits of the beach
Flooding everything within its massive reach

Yet, within a few hours, order is restored
Balance, almost magically, returns
Nature recovers from the drastic surge of energy
The ocean once again assumes its calm rhythm
All is, once again, as it is meant to be

Such a gift of nature
An ability to be admired
From an exceedingly intense burst, to calm serenity
Or to lay dormant during the long winter months
No growth, barely any indication of life
Then Spring awakens all that has been asleep
Equilibrium achieved again
The cycle continues so effortlessly, so simply

A cycle not as easily achieved among most
Some often vacillate between extremes
Intense swings from zenith to nadir
The middle seeming to not exist
Or perhaps not as easily attained
Or, maybe, not as comfortable as the extreme highs and lows
While the extreme movement is not ideal, it is known

Balance may present an uncomfortable challenge
To somehow flow with the energy
Not swing so severely
Perhaps move between highs and lows more gracefully
Not seek the intensity or utmost reach of each side
Rather swirl with the energy as it is
Restore equilibrium, recover in the middle
Seek to achieve and maintain balance

Such an obstacle for those who tend to violently vacillate
Allowing a more graceful flow among the surrounding energy
Not an automatic rush to extremes
Not an avoidance of the more blended middle
A struggle needing to be overcome

Nature has achieved this lovely balance
A soft movement between energy states
Always seeking the healthy balance
Nature will teach and guide those not yet as skilled
Inspire those eager to stop the violent swinging
Teaching us to thrive in the tranquil

Changing Seasons

Walking among nature is one of my most treasured self-care strategies. Whether it’s a hike in the woods, a brisk walk in a park, or walking along a body of water, the combination of moving my body and the movement of nature both calms and invigorates me.

When the seasons change, the experience is even more powerful and inspiring. The changing colors of leaves, the slight chill in the air, the sky seeming to be a more vibrant blue than any other time of year. It’s as if nature is bursting with life just before its long slumber of winter. Even the animals seem a bit more active in their attempts at stocking up on food.

While walking recently, I noticed something that I hadn’t seen before. The above picture was taken as I walked by a patch of woods that I have passed dozens of times. Yet this time, as I approached, I was compelled to stop and absorb my surroundings. The beauty and meaning struck me.

During the summer, this patch of woods looks like a lush wall of green leaves. Some brown trunks are visible, and there is a slight sense of scale, yet I often walked right by, noticing little else besides the endless green leaves, sprinkled and suspended like living confetti.

Now, the patch seemed more alive, even with many of the leaves now yellow and falling to the earth. The depth of the woods was revealed. What was once a one-dimensional wall was now a three-dimensional habitat. My gaze did not stop at the edge of the path as it had just a few weeks ago. Now I could see endless layers of leaves and trunks and once hidden nooks. The expanse was consuming and breathtaking. I felt the woods revealing itself to me, showing me new depths that were previously concealed. While some may see nature slowly falling asleep, I felt an intense burst of life and energy.

I stood and marveled at this gift nature was presenting to me. The colors, the expanse, the soft swaying among the cool air, the layers that I could now see. It was poetic. A whole new perspective on the familiar.

This is why I walk among nature. To admire the endless beauty that presents itself to the world. To remind myself that even nature goes through a multitude of changes. That there are cycles and phases and transformations necessary for survival. That without these changes, balance can never be acheived.  To remind myself that I, too, must change and adapt to survive and thrive. To reveal the vital balance within myself.

Walking among nature is a powerful experience for me. The energy and beauty and symbolism provide me with inspiration. With perspective. With the knowledge and hope that even among the constant change, balance is possible.